Bewitching Fairy Tales: After the Howling Sea
In order to celebrate Stalks of Gold hitting 225 reviews on Amazon, I’ve got a bonus scene that should help answer a few questions you all might have about what a certain someone is up to after the bonus scene in the back of Thorns of Gold!
Ruskin had used to miss his magic the way people missed a limb. He’d used to try to reach for it and use it routinely just to see if maybe he was wrong and there was something left, but as his time with Helio and the fairies had gone on, the more certain he was it was just a phantom sensation.
But as he slowly, painfully, made his way from Reshil back to Faen, he had never missed his ability to teleport more than he did then. At least he had a horse, a wonderful steed Prince Oberon had practically thrown at him as thanks for saving his life. Ruskin wasn’t getting on a boat anytime soon. As his horse plodded along and he had nothing else to do, Ruskin would stare at the road ahead of him and stretch his hand out and snap his fingers just to see.
Nothing.
No teleporting.
Well… at least the sheer amount of time it was taking him to trek across Esmea would make for an appropriately dramatic return. But considering who he was, he made sure he stayed away from anyone else on the roads as he crossed the empire. He wasn’t sure if the new boy-emperor—as Ruskin had overheard some travelers call him—had Ruskin’s wanted posters taken down.
He might still be a criminal.
So he used the skills he’d developed living in Ferren Forest after he’d ousted Gothel from her own tower and exiled her to the desert to get by. Of course it had been easier back then because he’d had magic so he could teleport and steal pretty easily.
He was still pretty good at stealing even without it.
Besides these were the people from the country that had been trying to kill him and his friends in Faen for years, so he didn’t feel bad about it.
Two things he’d never once thought he would say. One, that he could feel guilty about anything.
Two, his friends.
That was something he never really imagined he’d have.
And now he was crossing the continent to get back to them.
He kept his ears peeled when he snuck around towns to steal supplies or when he hid from other travelers passing by, but so far the Scholar hadn’t washed up. Maybe he really was dead.
Ruskin didn’t think he was that lucky given… well… everything that had happened in his life, but he hoped for Ren and Aerona’s sake he somehow had succeeded in killing him even though he’d stopped to go after Oberon.
It was a long, rough trip, but when he spotted the thorn wall on the horizon, he perked right up and urged his horse faster.
As he got closer to it, he saw the wall shift and the thorns part to open up the gate. Ruskin couldn’t help but grin as he started to reach up to lower the hood of his cloak. He’d seen the thorn wall in its complete glory briefly on his way to Sariyah when Aerona hadn’t been able to break the curse. But it was still a feat of magic the likes of which he had never seen before. Melantha had been an impressive figure, despite only being a few inches tall.
Then he saw who passed through it. Or rather, the seal on the Astrian carriages passing through it and heading down the road toward him.
Ruskin’s heart hit the ground, and he was moving faster than his mind could comprehend what was rolling down the road toward him. He urged the horse into the thick brush and threw himself off the saddle and into the bushes, blood pounding in his ears as he prayed to stars who had never once shown him any favor that this would be the first time they did.
Don’t let them see him.
The horse stood obscured by the trees, and the sound of more hoofbeats and carriage wheels rattling got louder. Ruskin couldn’t help but peer through the branches of the bush he was hiding in.
He couldn’t help himself.
It had been so long since he’d seen her.
The first carriage slowly rolled by and he could see a blonde—not the one he was looking for—her hands darting through the air as she was speaking to two familiar figures he vaguely recalled from his time in Astren.
He’d been having trouble getting his memories to cooperate fully ever since he’d given so many little ones to Sandy during the course of the rebellion.
L-something. The current queen. The little sister of the king he’d killed.
And the one who knew gold. The studious looking fellow.
Ruskin breathed a little easier. Maybe that meant—
The second carriage then eased into view, and Ruskin’s hopes were dashed and met all in an instant.
Aurelia.
She wasn’t looking out the window. She was curled up under a blanket, something in her arms Ruskin couldn’t make out as she leaned back against him.
Ruskin’s hands curled into the dirt.
The man Ruskin had never stood a chance of beating. The one he’d tried so hard to be.
Sandor.
He had his arms wrapped around her as her head rested on his chest. He had a steadying hand on whatever she was holding, but his eyes were open and he was just looking down at her through his stupid glasses.
The love pouring out of his gaze toward Aurelia made Ruskin sick.
She looked so at peace. She looked so happy.
She’d never looked that way with him. Not the way she did with Sandor.
Not even when he’d stolen Sandor’s face.
Ruskin blinked and then they were gone from his view.
And it hurt. It had been years. It had been so long since then, and most days Ruskin was very good at not remembering it. He had gotten very good at not thinking about it, at burying it, and focusing on what was ahead of him.
The time he’d been trapped as the Scholar’s experiment had eased the initial sting of the finality of losing Aurelia for good. Not that she’d ever truly been his.
But when the Scholar was using him for every horrible, painful spell he wanted to test, the emotional heartbreak had dulled as he’d screamed his throat raw and his magic faded and scars started to mark his face. So he focused on that.
And then there was always something else. Aerona’s curse. Keeping the fairies safe. Building a rebellion. Midas’ curse. Saving Ren.
But at night… when things were quiet… it was still there. Maybe not as bad. But he woke up often from the image of Aurelia’s horrified look, the absolute hatred in her eyes, and her voice echoing as she declared he was a monster and she could never love him.
What killed him every night was the fact she was right.
It still hurt.
The memories of everything he did in his relentless pursuit to possess her nearly crushed him in the still moments.
He’d considered it. Getting rid of his memories of her completely.
When Sandy needed memories throughout the rebellion, he’d been tempted. It would have been so easy to have Sandy wipe away his memories of Aurelia, of that first smile—his first clear memory of anything—gummy and warm and the first time someone wasn’t repulsed by him. Of the memories of how he’d held onto that smile through everything Gothel did to him. Of how he devised his plan. Of how he’d orchestrated it all. Showing up on her doorstep in the rain. Saving her from the king he’d set after her in the first place. The time in the tower where he told himself every day she’d love him if he was just patient enough. The memory of how she abandoned him, and he’d retaliated, leaving her in the desert. How he’d stolen an identity and a throne just so he could get the girl.
But he never did.
He just couldn’t let go. Which he supposed had been his biggest problem in the first place. He wasn’t good at letting her go.
He wanted every awful painful memory of her and the things he did.
They made sure he would never do it again.
They made sure he would never fall in love again, and he would never go to those lengths again.
He waited until the carriages were long since gone and he was safe from his past.
As he pushed himself up, he froze. Wait… If Aurelia had just come from Faen… what had she been doing there?
With the queen of Astren no less?
A diplomatic visit to their new neighbors? If Aurelia had been in Arcier and had met Rosalia, Ren, and Aerona…
Did they know?
Had Aurelia told them everything he’d done?
If she had… what would they do to him if he reappeared?
He needed to know if the truth had come out. If his friends would still be his friends if he revealed to them he was still alive.
It wasn’t easy. Sneaking through a magic thorn wall that was meant to be able to keep anyone from being able to sneak through.
But Ruskin was short, sneaky, and easily hidden.
So he managed to get through without any of the fairies or Faenics discovering he was alive.
Getting into Arcier unseen was even easier.
And the castle.
Rosalia needed better security.
Although since she and Aerona spent so much time together, she probably didn’t.
Still, the fact he was able to sneak in through a window and slip under the low table, thankfully cover by a tablecloth that brushed the floor and hid him, so easily was a little concerning.
He didn’t know how long it was going to take for him to figure out what they knew. He wasn’t vain enough to believe he was the only subject on their minds, especially since it had been several weeks since they must have interacted with Aurelia—given the travel time—and months since he’d last been seen alive by Ren and Sandy.
He was hiding under a table for a few hours before he heard the door open, and he held his breath. There were two sets of footsteps.
“—letter from Queen Eirwen, I’ll get to that first thing tomorrow, but my instinct is that it’s about the lumber deal. She refused to discuss it with me when she and her husband were here for Aerona’s wedding, saying she was here purely as a friend and not as a monarch.”
Rosalia.
Of course she was talking about work. When wasn’t she?
Ruskin couldn’t help his lips twitching into a smile. Then his stomach turned. If she knew the truth… if they all knew… he wasn’t going to get to roll his eyes at Rosalia’s ridiculous work ethic anymore.
“Aerona and Chasen also got one addressed to them. If I were a betting man, my money is on a pregnancy.”
That…
That voice wasn’t supposed to exist.
Midas.
He was supposed to be a statue. Everyone was supposed to think he was dead and his body was a statue.
Ruskin had intended on taking the secret to his watery grave and let Midas rot beneath that gold for eternity.
So why was Midas alive and walking around?
“Surely they would just use the mirrors? Wasn’t that why she gave the hand mirror to Chasen and Aerona as a wedding gift anyway so they can talk whenever they want about those sort of things?”
Ruskin could hear Rosalia moving about her sitting room. There was the sound of papers rustling, likely from the desk he had passed when he’d snuck in through the window.
“Courtesy? It’s a big announcement so maybe they wanted something more formal, especially since they also have to send announcements to Astren, Idres, and Castia for King Consort Sterling’s family,” Midas said.
Ruskin curled his hands into the floor and it took all of his self-control not to shoot out from under the table and strangle Midas with his bare hands. Why in all the stars’ light was he alive? Presumably, curse unbroken, and just walking around like he wasn’t responsible for sacrificing Ren to the Scholar?
“Hmm,” Rosalia’s voice traveled again throughout the room. “I mean if it is, of course I’ll be happy for them. But I still need that lumber deal.”
Midas’ deep voice let out a laugh as a door opened. “Then ask Chasen and Aerona if you can borrow the mirror to badger her about it.”
“I can’t badger a pregnant woman about work! I need her to bring it up herself!”
The voices faded and Ruskin lifted the tablecloth high enough that he could see the backs of Midas and Rosalia as they left the room.
Their arms were linked, and he spotted a ring on Rosalia’s left hand, a shade matching the strange gold sheen there was to Midas’ skin.
Ruskin let the tablecloth fall as he clenched his jaw.
Rosalia had… forgiven Midas?
How? How could she possibly have forgiven him for what he’d done? How could she possibly still love him?
It made no reasonable sense. It… If she could forgive him for…
Ruskin had never been more torn in two in his painful life.
Midas deserved to stay gone for what he’d done.
But… if Rosalia could somehow forgive Midas for what he’d done… maybe she wouldn’t hold Ruskin’s past against him either.
Although… even so, Ruskin was left with the fact that apparently… Apparently some people could commit atrocities in her name and the woman they loved would still love them.
Just not Ruskin.
Or maybe… just not Aurelia.
As much as Ruskin despised Midas and wanted to throw him into the ocean now that he could be killed, still…
It meant maybe even if they knew his past, they would still be his friends. And then he’d get the chance to have it out with Midas.
Maybe.
Ruskin crawled out from under the table. He needed to know what they knew before he could be certain.
So that night Ruskin snuck into the library and slept on top of one of the tall stacks. It reminded him of how he used to sleep in the library stairwell of Gothel’s tower before he got his freedom.
He was woken up late into the morning by the sound of voices.
Midas. Again.
And—Ren.
Ruskin rolled onto his front, peering down from the shadows hiding him as the two of them strolled around, Ren looking perfectly at ease with the man who betrayed him and handed him over to his kidnapper.
Had everyone lost their minds but him?
Maybe he was the only sane one left because he’d already lost his mind before.
Ruskin ground his teeth together, as he gripped the wood. Luckily, he wasn’t strong enough to crack it and reveal his presence.
He watched Midas and Ren, and he couldn’t figure out exactly what they were doing since he couldn’t see the titles of the books Ren was perusing and Midas was fetching when they were out of Ren’s reach.
They didn’t speak as Ren worked until Aerona, Rosalia, and Chasen came in to the library.
Ruskin strained his ears to hear them.
“Oh no, what deal are you working on now?” Midas asked as Rosalia immediately started scouring one of the shelves.
Aerona rolled her eyes and said, “Because the lumber deal with Glaciar is stalled, she’s got it in her head to do a deal with Astren for wool.”
Ren snapped his book shut and eyed her. “You want to what?”
Ruskin held his breath. If they knew anything about his past with Astren, this was going to be when he heard it.
Rosalia turned on her heels and sighed. “Look, we need trade deals, and Enrique isn’t exactly in a place where he can deal with us favorably, and Queen Eirwen has a baby on the way so that deal is going to move slower, so Astren is our best option right now.”
“I’m not happy about it either,” Aerona said.
“I’m dealing with Queen Loraine, and Gisele is my friend. We don’t have to agree on everything to get a favorable deal for both of us,” Rosalia said.
“We don’t have to deal with them at all. That’s even if they want to deal with us,” Ren scoffed, sitting up in his seat. “I wouldn’t put it past that woman to convince her sister-in-law not to given what happened with Aerona and Ruskin.”
“Well, I’m not planning on bringing him up in my proposal, and Loraine accepted Aerona’s apology, so I think it’s at least worth trying,” Rosalia said.
“Do you believe them?” Ren crossed his arms.
“Believe they accepted Aerona’s apology?” Rosalia blinked.
“I hope so, they’re not getting another one,” Aerona said, earning a soft huff and an eye roll from Chasen.
“No. Do you believe all those things Aurelia said about Ruskin?” Ren asked, narrowing his eyes.
“It fits with the things he did tell us,” Midas said.
Ruskin fought the urge to grab the closest book and nail him in the head with it. He should have known the second he’d laid eyes on the strange Reshic he was bad news.
“And he was very much averse to reaching out to Astren when I brought up their witch—Aurelia,” Chasen said.
Aerona said, “But just because she was telling the truth about what he did in the past doesn’t mean we have to believe her about anything else.”
Ruskin’s tight grip eased. Maybe…
“She accused him of manipulating us!” Ren’s face twisted, and Ruskin closed his eyes, but Ren’s surprisingly emotive voice still reached him. “He saved my life! Why would you want anything to do with someone like her?”
“Considering the things he did, I can’t hold it against her,” Rosalia said. She gestured to her and Aerona. “I mean what would one of us do if someone told us Eurico was alive and was their friend? I wouldn’t buy it for a second, and of course I would think he was just laying a trap for them.”
And then Ruskin’s hope died. Just like he should have. It was at the bottom of the Howling Sea where he should be rotting.
“But it’s not like any of us are innocent either.” Aerona directed a stern look toward Midas. “Just like Ruskin we’ve all done things we’re trying to make up for. That doesn’t mean we’re trying to manipulate anyone.”
“I’m not pretending to be a saint,” Midas said.
Ruskin opened his eyes and glared. Midas better not be.
The Reshic continued, “I know I’ve still got a lot to prove, but the fact Ruskin had never just told anyone—not even you, Aerona, or Helio—when the opportunity came up makes Aurelia’s claim he wasn’t as altruistically running from his past as he professed easier to believe. If he felt guilty and was trying to be better, why not tell us?”
“Because admitting to multiple murders, kidnapping, and stealing a throne could make him a bit of a liability to the upcoming rulers of a kingdom who already has a pretty big enemy and can’t afford an ally who will only bring them another,” Aerona said.
Aerona was always Ruskin’s favorite anyways.
Oh. But her statement made it all too clear they knew exactly everything he’d done.
She sneered, “Besides, Midas, are you going to walk up to strangers and point to Ren and say, ‘oh by the way, I know we’ve just met, but you should know I traded him back to his kidnapper, that’s not going to be a problem, is it?’”
Midas rolled his eyes and his brow pinched. “What I am saying is it would have been nice if we could have had a heads up. If he really wanted to have genuine fresh start and make up for all of those things—as opposed to trying to hide it from those of us he claimed were his friends—at least giving us some detail would have showed that. Not to mention, he took to his grave the fact I was still alive after I was turned into a statue. I don’t blame him for it, but those aren’t exactly the actions of someone who’s honest and on the straight and narrow.”
Maybe the reason Ruskin was alive was to fix the fact Midas had been left alive.
“It doesn’t matter!” Rosalia snapped, raising her hand. “Look. I don’t know. I don’t know if I believe Aurelia’s accusation that he was just doing to us what he did to her. Frankly? It doesn’t matter. He’s dead. He saved Ren and he died. So there’s no reason we can’t deal with Astren, and we’ll never know what he would have to say to all of this.”
She narrowed her eyes at all of them. Ren sank back into his seat, not looking happy about it. Aerona stepped back, leaning into Chasen’s side.
“I’m not saying I believe her. I’m just saying Ruskin was a strange creature, and having doubts isn’t a crime.” Midas let out a long sigh and raised his hands defensively. “I wish he wasn’t dead, especially fixing my mistake. Since he’s gone, at least he’s not a liability to our relationship with Astren. Maybe the way things worked out is for the best.”
“Midas.” Rosalia glared at him.
“What do you think would have happened if Ruskin was alive?” the Reshic asked. “Do you think they would have just been content to let us have him considering the crimes he committed? They would have demanded they get to deal with him—and considering the personal nature and scope of his crimes, he wouldn’t have lived much longer anyway!”
Rosalia shook her head. “Those are questions we don’t have to answer. I have to do what’s best for Faen. So right now, that means a deal with Astren. And Ruskin is dead. All we can do is remember what we did know, our friend.” Rosalia’s glare at Midas was scathing. “We all have to move forward.”
Ruskin swallowed thickly as he watched Rosalia gathered her books up and headed for the door. Midas looked at Rosalia as she went, but Aerona and Chasen quickly blocked his view with their huge frames as they followed her. Ren just glared at Midas and threw himself back into his book.
Fine.
Alright. They could welcome Midas back with open arms despite the crimes he’d committed against one of them, but Ruskin’s crimes against someone else now cast doubt over everything he’d done…
Clearly, Ruskin was the problem. He was the one who was unforgivable no matter what he did to make up for it. No matter how hard he tried, it was never going to be enough.
Why hadn’t he learned the lesson the first time?
Why had he let himself believe this time was going to be any different?
He was never going to be enough for Aurelia. He was never going to be enough for his friends.
His friends… the first friends he really ever had were torn about it. If they couldn’t believe he had changed, who could?
And… maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he was still that monstrous obsessive creature beneath it all. Had he not just been considering taking Midas out for his own crimes?
They were clearly all better off without him. Faen had its sovereignty. Rosalia had her crown. Midas’ curse was broken. Aerona and Ren were free and safe from the Scholar.
What did anyone need him for anyway?
* * *
The castle doors flew open.
Ruskin had been easily recognized when he’d entered Cartha. Of course he was. He was one of the very few people in Reshil pale white skin and red hair, if not the only one with both of those features.
Prince Oberon strode out of the doors of the elegant stone structure with a baffled expression. “Ruskin? What are you doing back here? I was expecting a letter of your return to Faen—especially once I got one about Midas’ being alive, but they didn’t mention you at all. I thought maybe something happened to you in Esmea—”
Ruskin lifted his hand and said, “It’s a long story, but remember you said you owed me a favor?”
Oberon nodded, brow furrowing as he came to a stop.
Ruskin took a deep breath, slowly exhaling and hating how his voice was as minuscule as his stature. “Can I… Can I stay here? In Reshil?”
There was a moment. A long moment of silence where all Ruskin saw was Oberon gaping at him and the Reshics moving about the palace courtyard gaping at him for a different reason.
Then Oberon blinked and shook his head. “Of course! Come in, you’ll always be welcome here by me!”
Ruskin sagged, fighting the urge to clutch his chest as he breathed out at the answer he’d been terrified for months as he’d traveled back to Reshil that he was wasting his time.
“Of course you can stay!” Oberon gestured for him to come in. “Whatever happened, that won’t change. I owe you my life. You will always have a place in my court if you want it. I’m not going to complain either.” Oberon laughed. “I haven’t had any luck while you were gone locating that girl who helped save me. You’re my best chance at tracking down that girl.”
The first request had been granted, but it wasn’t the biggest one.
Ruskin didn’t move. He just took another stuttering breath and said, “One more thing. Reshil’s good at keeping big secrets… I need the rest of the continent to think I’m still dead.”
He waited for the confusion, for the questions, for insistence that he know why Ruskin needed everyone to think he’s dead.
But instead…
“For one half of the duo that saved my life? I’d find some way to keep your survival a secret from the whole castle if you asked.” Oberon clapped Ruskin on the shoulder and started pulling him inside by the shoulder of his shirt. Ruskin chuckled as he stumbled after him.
If it was for the best Ruskin was dead…
Then he was going to stay dead.
At least as far as everyone else was concerned. Besides, who was paying much attention to Reshil anyway when Esmea had a new emperor and Salona’s coronation trials were coming up?
Ruskin had nowhere else to go.
He had nowhere he belonged, and he was never going to. An abomination like him didn’t deserve it.
He really wished he’d just waited a few more seconds that night in the ocean. He’d have done the world a favor if the only thing left of him was a corpse rotting on the floor of ocean.